With and With Out Ryan. A Night At The Ball Game.

For my husband Dan, the one thing he was looking forward to do with his son is play sports. Dan pretty much knows everything there is to know about sports. And for a sports guy the golden ticket is having a son. What is more heart breaking than that? Going to a baseball game with out your son and seeing your brave husband try and have a good time. Doing these types of things is always hardest the first go and then they tell us the pain decreases a bit as you get used to the hole in your heart. Are we ever going to get used to it? I don't think so, the hole will just become a part of us. Always painful.

It is the way we deal with our pain that makes a slight difference. Right now the thing that eases the pain is keeping busy. We are brave with our pain. Challenging our selves each and every day.

What is silly is that Dan is a huge Dodger fan. But, we went to an Angel game. What is even more silly is that we never had the chance to take our son to a Dodger game...which breaks my heart. We did however take him to an Angel game.

Last fourth of July. It was the best time. We ate so much and Ryan bounced back and forth between my lap and Dan's lap. Ryan even has his own seat but he was all over the place to get a better look. He kept hitting an imaginary bat and ball. After that game Ryan started running imaginary bases and got really into baseball. It was either baseball or football...he wanted to hit with a bat or hit with his body. The best part of that game was the 7th inning stretch. The three of us stood up and screamed "Take Me Out To The Ball Game". Ryan didn't know the words so he just screamed with excitement.

So Dan and I are trying to do as much as we can. Going to a baseball game was painful but worth it. We enjoyed taking Ryan last year and we enjoyed taking him now. We carry our son in our hearts everywhere we go...with and with out Ryan. A baseball game is a baseball game, whether it is Dodgers or Angels. Though the truth is, we now have an Angel.

At the game I ate cotton candy and we wore our red shoes for our Ryan.

Words can not express how much we miss you Ryan.

We are trying every day to honor you and make you proud.