Learning To Be Two

With our one year wedding anniversary upon us, it feels as if we have really been put to the test. We have been through the absolute best and the absolute worst this past year. After this first year we stand here with tear stained cheeks, holding hands ready for whatever else God and Ryan have in store for us.

Although we always refer to us as a family of three, the truth is physically we are two.

There is nothing I hate more than trying to understand, physically it is just us two.

I do not understand. I am trying every day.

The last three months have been awful and good. Ugly and beautiful. Happy and always sad. The last three months Dan and I have been learning a lot about ourselves and each other. We have been coping together. We have been learning to be two, just us two.

This grief seems to be all about balance at this point. At least that is what I am slowly figuring out. The two of us are balancing between all the different emotions we feel through out the day.

Day by day.

I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know in my heart and soul it is going to be great. Better than great. It has to be.

I can't say for certain that we won't go through more bad times, but I know in my heart and soul the good times will out weigh the bad.

What I DO know for sure is that there is no one I would rather do life with than my husband Dan.

We may have been dealt the most crappiest hand known to all, but we are still playing our cards.

Still surviving, still together, still in love.

We are learning to be two

... with our third above us.

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Happy One Year To Us