Maya's Birthday - A Birth Story
You know, I’ve never done this, written out my children’s birth stories. It seemed too personal and if I’m being honest, not that exciting for anyone else but myself and Dan. Though looking back to last week and knowing that Maya is my last baby I feel nostalgic, even a bit sad. I have done this three times now and it isn’t easy for me. Each pregnancy came with scares, plus a whole slew of pains I am happy to not endure again. Then I look at Maya’s baby face, thinking about driving to the hospital in labor, pushing, I think about it all and I some how miss it?! When I was in high school I never in a million years thought I even wanted kids, desperately afraid of pregnancy and labor. Now I’m sleep deprived, my nipples are cracked and sore from breastfeeding, and I feel sad that my time in a labor + delivery bed holding my leg while Dan holds the other is all over. I’ve decided to write down Maya’s birthday story in efforts to bottle it up forever.
The night before Thanksgiving and all was quiet through the house. Except me. I couldn’t sleep and was binge watching Ina Garten cooking shows in bed while Dan snoozed next to me. We actually had a scheduled induction at 6am on Thanksgiving day due to some extra fluid around the baby. My doctor didn’t want us going past our due date so we agreed to being induced. Honestly for us it felt normal since both Ryan and Mila had been induced labors. It was all I knew, being induced for a third time just seemed routine and I felt happy that I was familiar with it. We all went to bed that night knowing that in the early morning we would head in to have this baby!
I tried sleeping but I just couldn’t relax. I was feeling so emotional about leaving Mila and then having a real baby the next time I saw her. It broke my heart and everything felt so real all of sudden. At midnight I went into Mila’s room and sat by her bed. I held her hand, crying. Praying that she’ll be able to understand this next chapter of our life. I told her I loved her and kept kissing her cheeks while she slept. Mila softly woke up a bit and said she loved me too. And then whispered about her morning cereal. Reminding me to make sure I pull out her cereal before I leave for the baby. So far Mila has shown a real love for her baby sister. But mostly focuses on herself and keeping her life the same as much as she can. Mila is three and will be four in just a few weeks. Becoming a big sis hasn’t been on her list of to-do’s through out my pregnancy. Even now that her baby sister is here, Mila sort of floats like a loving butterfly. She’ll come in for a kiss or tug on the baby’s arm. Then she flies away to go about her own business. That night I left her room and pulled out her cereal, leaving it on the kitchen counter for my mom to give her while I’d be away.
I came back into my room and laid back down, still watching Ina make roast chicken and a rustic fruit tart. For the past few weeks I had been feeling contractions but nothing too crazy. Usually when they got a little painful I’d drink some water, lay on my side, and they’d subside. While watching Ina the same contractions I’ve felt before came on. Within a few minutes they felt a little stronger but I thought it was because I was feeling a little stressed about leaving Mila. I turned off the TV and tried to fall asleep.
At 1:42am I felt my body start to work hard on something. The pain radiated through my entire belly and lower back. My belly sort of seized up and became really firm during a contraction. Then it released and I felt nothing. This feeling kept going and felt stronger than anything I’ve ever felt. I’ve never gone into labor on my own before so I was a bit scared. I quickly woke up Dan and told him we better go because what I was feeling seemed way more painful than the smaller contractions I had all month. I remember Dan moving so slow. I felt like I had to poop or barf or both. I threw on clothes, my slippers, making my movements quick during the times when the pain faded for a minute. I was ready and it felt like my husband was moving like a damn sloth. I said goodbye to my mom and went into the car and waited for Dan. With each contraction my breath caught in my throat and I had to grip the car door handle. Even at that point in my mind I thought it would all stop and be a false alarm. With our induction scheduled for that same day at 6am I wondered if this was really it or if I’d still have to be induced.
We arrived at the hospital a little after 2am, I walked myself in while Dan parked the car. The security guard unlocked the door and let me in. While checking in the nurse asked her routine questions; “How far apart are you feeling the contractions?” “Is this your first baby?” “Ok, just hang tight and we’ll get you in to check how far along you are.” While hanging tight at the Labor + Delivery check in desk a wave of terror crashed into me. After all this time, nine long months, and longing to get pregnant and have another baby, I somehow felt panicked. I felt I wasn’t ready and I’d gladly take a few more weeks with my giant baby bump. I stood there all alone for a moment waiting for the nurse to come back. Waiting for Dan to come. It was just me for a small moment and I remember touching my belly already missing it.
By the time they had me in the room I could barely breathe and the contractions seems to literally roll through out my body. One after the next leaving me little time to catch my breath between them. They checked me and I was dilated 6cm, cruising quick towards dilating more and more. I requested an epidural, had an IV put in, someone came to draw blood. Dan had to step out of the room while I received the epidural and just as the anesthesiologist finished up my water broke on its own. That was also new to me as twice before my doctor had to break my water. It was just after 4am when my legs started to numb up, the contractions felt less painful, but I could still feel when they came on. The nurse left us and told me to try and relax. Dan tried to make me laugh as we both sat there. I think we were a little shocked that it was all happening on its own! Being induced twice before things went much slower. Everything seemed so surreal and new.
I look like a total mess here. I’m both scared and excited.
By 5:15am I hit the nurses button because I was feeling so much pressure in my bottom. She came in, checked me and said we were ready to start pushing! This part I was familiar with and began to crave those pushes. My doctor wasn’t even at the hospital yet, so an on-call doctor had to come in and deliver baby. The nurse had me do one “practice push” as she called it and suddenly the whole room was full. Three people for baby, the on-call doctor and two nurses. Dan helped hold my left leg, one nurse helped with my right, everyone cheering me on during my pushes. It is amazing how strong I felt with their cheers ringing in my ears. The nurse told me she saw a bunch of hair. I was getting so close to meeting her! During it all I felt focused and so eager to meet my baby. I pushed about six times and baby Maya came out screaming at 5:50am! They put her on my chest and I couldn’t believe it. I felt so grateful she came out so quick and smooth. I held her tight, hugging her Hello. The room sort of fell into a hush while the doctor stitched me up. They let me hold Maya the whole time which felt so incredible.
Overwhelming gratitude is what comes to mind when I think about Maya’s birth and my other children’s as well. All three came pretty quick and left both Dan and I reeling with happiness. To be honest, I have never cried when I’ve held my children for the first time. I sort of freeze and stare at my babies, trying desperately to take it all in. Trying so hard to memorize every feeling, sound, and smell. During the thick of labor my eyes are half open, half closed, amazed and scared of what my body can do. Mostly scared to be truthful. It’s like I can remember every detail and yet it all seems a blur at the same time.
Maya’s birth day was one of the best days of my life. She came on her own about ten minutes before our scheduled induction. Locking eyes with Maya for the first time made me feel the most whole I’ve felt since my son Ryan passed. It felt like our family’s final puzzle piece clicked into place with Ryan embracing us all from Heaven.
It has been nearly two weeks since Maya’s birth day and we are just smitten with her. Maya is pure bliss. We are grateful she is finally here and taking each day very slowly as to take in every part of her during this newborn stage.
We love you Maya!
Family photos by Lily Ro Photography